There Really Is A Hole

Today was the last day of school.
I love reading through their accumulated papers.
Twin boy brought his writings to me,
and this one in particular I will save forever.

It is so sweet and full of childhood innocence,
and yet,
guilelessly sinister.


My Special Place

My special place is my backyard.
It is a big beautiful field.

I have two ackers of green grass.
There are tons of dandelions in the summer.
We have swings that are lots of fun.
We also have a pool that has lots of toys for it.

In my backyard we have a half of an acker of woods.
I like hunting back there.
We have a pond in the woods.
There are lots of trees to play in.

There is a big hole in our back yard.
It is so big that we can bury people in it.
I sail boats in it.
I play cars in the hole.

My backyard is my special place because its big,
there are woods,
and there is a big, deep
hole.

Vegetables

I have a new garden.

It is like a baby -
I check on it,
I worry over it,
I bathe it and
tuck it in.

It is very public,
out in the way back of our property,
the neighbors see me trudging out there
working a wheelbarrow,
me with the soft hands
and sensitive skin.

If these plants die,
if they do not grow...

I will take it personally.

*

Creepy

I need to wash these garden gloves, but I keep putting it off
because every time I look in the bucket where they are soaking
it creeps me out.

Quality Time

Tonight I came into the family room for the last 10 minutes of The Mentalist.

"Tell me, in 5 words or less, what is happening," I said to the Teenager,
who promptly responded,

"Murder,
Camp,
Axeman...
Crazy Guy."

"Got it," I said with my mouth full of raisin bran.

We slumped there together until
my cereal was gone
and the crazy guy confessed to everything.

*

He Let One

Tonight one of my students passed gas,
but his dad was in there with us,
so I couldn't do my normal thing
which is to stand up casually,
walk over to the window and
breathe deeply with my nose pressed to the screen.

I had to just sit there and pretend like I hadn't heard it,
and couldn't smell it,
when in fact I had,
and I could.

I See That

So today I was at a band rehearsal and this time it was at the University
in a really big, old building where they store the marching band equipment
and hold rehearsals among other things.

Well all during the practice, these men in suits kept walking through the big room
where we played. They looked like they were sort of touring the place, pointing up
at the ceiling, opening doors, talking with each other. I hoped we weren't bothering
them because we were pretty loud, but other than that I didn't really think much about it.

Later, one of the men came up to me and said, "Hey, nice bass." I said thanks,
and he asked what kind it was.

Now normally when people come up to me and ask me about my bass, it's because they're curious. My bass is really nice - it's a custom bass made of beautiful wood
and I'm really lucky to own it. Usually, people notice it and come up to ask but sometimes they ask sort of funny questions - it's not their fault, they just don't know anything about basses and want to look at it.

So I adopt an attitude of helpfulness, and I usually try to point out something about the bass that they might not know about. For instance I have a six string bass, and sometimes I'll say, "This bass has six strings instead of the four that you probably usually see."

This time, the man smiled and looked really interested, so I was happy to show him my bass. I held it up for him and said, "It's made by Ken Smith," and he nodded appreciatively. Just to be helpful, I pointed out that it was a fretless bass. He again nodded and this time said, "I see that. It's a very nice instrument." I said, "Well I'm lucky, so I try to take really good care of it," as I wiped it down and again he said, "I see that." Then he went on his way.

I put away my bass and went over to the other band members who had been watching this exchange. One of them said to me, "Do you know who that was?" I shook my head no, and he laughed and said it was Rodney Whitaker. The percussionist said, "I thought you must be really nervous to have one of the best bass players in the world watching you."

No, not nervous. Just mortified that I had kindly pointed out to THE Rodney Whitaker, that, in case he hadn't noticed, this is a fretless bass. Duh.
I'm sure he was really impressed with that bit of info. I wish I could go back and have a do over. I'd say, "Mr. Whitaker! I'm a schmuck!" and he would probably nod kindly and say,

"I see that."

*

Small Town Cool

We pulled up to the high school this morning,
and drove slowly and carefully through the parking lot.

Lots of kids standing around admiring each other's rides.

It was, "Drive Your Tractor To School Day."

I love small town life.

*

Saying No

I have been preaching to my girlfriends lately
about saying no, because I have finally figured it out.

You say, "Oh I wish I could!" with a look of deep earnestness
and sorrow for the fact that you are unavailable to do whatever thing
you have just been asked to do.

You do not give a reason -
this I learned from the husband.

He says, "If you give a reason, you sound like you're trying to make an excuse,
and it gives them something to argue with you about, and it always comes out
sounding less important than you thought it would."

So there is this little awkward silence after you say,
"Oh I wish I could!"
while they wait for you to say why you can't.

But your look is so earnest and heartfelt and you smile so apologetically,
that after the awkward moment has passed,
they will either say, "okay, maybe next time," or
they might offer a reason for you, like,
"Oh, you're working that day?"

If they do this, watch out, you don't want to agree,
just keep that smile pasted on your face and ever so slightly nod.

To them, the nod means 'yes', and they feel better.
To you, it means,
"yes, please think whatever you like about my reason for saying no."

All that to say, I now find myself in the position of saying "no"
and it's not as easy as I made it out to be,
when I was preaching to my girlfriends.

I need a kick in the pants.

Peace!

*

Squirmles are Back!

Girl twin saw this at the store and squealed that EVERYONE at school has one,
pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?

The husband gave in this week, with two, eventually,
because there was a mighty squabble and tears over the first one.

A squabble for Squirmles.

Remember?

*

Day Four

I can't believe I've held out for this long!
On Tuesday I was thinking that I could not attend rehearsal tonight without shampooing first.

Day 3 (Tuesday) was questionable - my hair felt oily and weird.
But then I read that you should only put the vinegar on the ends of your hair,
and I tried that this morning and it made a huge difference!

This time I sort of made a paste of the baking soda
(just poured a little in my hand, then wet it a little)
and massaged it through my hair, concentrating on the scalp.
I let it set for probably 3 minutes, rinsed, and it squeaked.
Then just a little vinegar on the ends and I was good to go.
No tangles.

An added benefit - after massaging with the baking soda paste,
I did a light scrub of my face with the leftover stuff on my hands. Felt good!

Anyway, I can really see that every person who tries this
needs to adjust the procedure to their own liking.
I'm already forming a plan.

On Friday I have a loooong overdue hair appointment.
This week I thought to myself...she's going to 'poo me!
Beauty salon shampoos are the BOMB and I've decided that
I'm just not going to give it up.
I only get my hair cut like 4 times a year, and that's my favorite part!

So, I think my plan might be that I will use shampoo once a week -
every Friday night -
and the rest of the week use my baking soda solution.
I'm going to try that for an extended time and see if it works for me.
Less chemicals, cheaper and hopefully better health too.

Happy Earth Day!

*

Third Day

Does she 'poo?

Well here I am on the 3rd day -
it's Tuesday and I last 'pooed my hair (with real shampoo) on Saturday morning.
I've been washing with baking soda/water, rinsing with vinegar/water since then.

And the verdict is...my hair feels sorta weird.
It looks great in the mirror, but feels slightly oily and it's bugging me a bit.
I'm not sure how long I can hold out.

Here's a cool article from Nature Moms.
Thanks, Joann, for passing that on.

According to the article, it can take several weeks for your head to adjust.
It's used to excess oil production because we strip it every day with 'poo.
My head is supposed to calm down eventually.
Hmmm....

*

'Poo Update

Day Two of no 'Poo...

Everything is proceeding nicely - my hair is shiny, soft and manageable (so far).

But more importantly, I've had several questions about recipes and sources, so here are some that I use:

Dishwasher Detergent:
Equal parts Borax and Baking Soda
(I keep mine in a Cool Whip container under the sink and spoon it into the detergent cup of the dishwasher - it sure beats those metal-spout torture devices on regular detergent - and way, way cheaper).

Laundry Detergent:
One bar grated Ivory Soap
One cup Borax
One cup Washing Soda (different from baking soda - found in the laundry section next to the Borax)
Use 2 Tablespoons per load
(Use vinegar in the rinse cup for softer clothes)

Crystal Rock Deodorant Stick
It lasts at least a year (mine fell out of the holder but I still use it, nearing year 2)

Here's a tip from mrc-w over at Good Things In This World
A recipe for "green" dryer sheets:

Fill a bucket or other container with 2 parts water, 1 part fabric softener. Throw a couple of small sponges (regular sponges cut in half) to soak. When you need a "dryer sheet," wring out the excess from one sponge and throw it in the dryer with your clothes.

*

No 'Poo

No Poo Ingredients


Water and baking soda for the 'Poo



Vinegar and water for the rinse (plus a little bit of vanilla extract)


Always on the cutting edge of things (ha), I decide to pursue the latest trend in greening:

No More Shampoo

I had to try it, and this afternoon mixed up a batch of what I affectionately call,

"No Poo 'Poo",

jumped into the shower and tried it out.

I was really amazed at how soft my hair was after massaging my scalp with the
No Poo-Poo (I love saying that), and then following with the refreshing vinegar rinse.

I'm going to try it for a time, and see if I like it enough to change my habits.

I successfully gave up commercial laundry detergent several months ago and
haven't used typical anti-perspirant in years. I make my own dishwasher detergent, am growing my first real garden, am getting a Mother's Day gift of my very own compost bin and maybe someday we'll have chickens...

But back to the hair.

My biggest concern was how my hair would smell after rinsing with vinegar,
and walked around for the last half hour asking people to smell my wet hair.
Every single one of them said that it smelled really really good, so that part of it is okay.

But is my hair clean??

Stay tuned.

*

Stymied

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't seem to bring myself to write.

It seems overwhelming.

Do you ever feel like that?

What to do...
push through or sit back and let the desire come back around again naturally?

Don't know.

Peace.

*

On Vacation

I have...
held hands with a child while we slept,
walked on the beach in the dark,
body-surfed,
walked on the beach in the early morning,
played Marco Polo,
brushed a knot slowly and carefully out of a child's hair,
slathered copious amounts of sunblock onto backs and shoulders,
held a child's chewed gum for a while,
walked on a windy beach, hair whipping everywhere and smiling,
collected shells, mostly baby cradles,
had conversations with children,
visited a best friend,
and had ice cream three times.

So far it's going very well.

*

Shy

Sometimes I worry about Middle Child.
She is this beautiful, quiet, sensitive child -
smooshed right in between the Teenager and the Twins.
Talk about being invisible....

But last night I watched and listened in amazement as my invisible middle child
walked out on the stage and into the limelight, reminding me to pay close attention, 'cause she's growing up and finding her very visible place in this world.

She came home one day saying with a shrug and a smile that the lead role in the musical (the princess) was hers and that she had three solos, and that she was very happy about it.

The months following that, she spoke only a little of the preparations and there was not a single after-school rehearsal. We dug a "ball gown" out of grandma's dress-up box, and I scrubbed it with a magic marker to erase some stains...and sewed it up a little, but that was the extent of my involvement.

So last night I was surprised and delighted to find that my beautiful, quiet, sensitive child has an above-average (I'm just sayin') singing voice, wonderful comic timing and also, she can dance.
Wow.

Beaming.




(Not too much singing in this video, just cuteness)

Punch Lines

He appears behind where I sit at the computer
and says with wide dare-you-to-believe-me eyes,

"Mom,
Colton is SO AWESOME."

"He can put 37 grapes in his mouth at one time!"

He observes my jaw-drop with satisfaction, puts his cereal bowl in the dishwasher,
and leaves me to turn back to my typing,
wondering at the post-fodder that so often just drops neatly into my lap.

*

Not Worth The Energy

Ever since the remote was broken
the people in this house have been watching considerably less television.

Apparently getting up off of the couch to change channels is prohibitive.

Is it troubling or happy news when one realizes
that one has finally grown too lazy

to even watch TV?

*

Lovin' It

I had a coupon.

So today, like we do about twice a year, I took the twins to the usually-outlawed fast food place
for some BOGO breakfast sandwiches and a Mocha for me.

I took the twins because you could only have one coupon per person per visit
and we were buying for the whole family.

I explained on the way there that they would each have a coupon,
and they would have to go in and buy something all by themselves.
There was much whispering in the backseat as we pulled into the drive-through.

I was collecting my change at the first window when I noticed that they had flattened themselves on to the backseat where they lay motionless
until we pulled up to the second window,
and then there were some shrieks and loud whispers to, "Duck back down!".

Apparently this was a high stakes mission and they were very serious about not messing it up.

I pulled into a parking space and handed them coupons and money.
They kept telling each other their order aloud to make sure that they would say the right thing.
Then they ran in.

Back they came, breathless, each with a bag and change.
"Mom!" they said, interrupting each other to tell me how they felt like grown-ups ordering something all by themselves, and how twin boy went first,
and then he realized that he should act like he didn't know twin girl,
but he didn't want to leave without her when he was done ordering,
so after he got his food he just
"shuffled around and looked at stuff until she was through."

I asked why and he said, "So they wouldn't get suspicious."

Twin girl said she let her brother go first so that she wouldn't have to say anything except,
"I'll have the same thing as him."

Yes, I'm fairly sure we put one over on them.

*

Short Wave

My head is always full of thinking.
It's not particularly brilliant thinking,
it's just....thinking.

Words,
feelings,
wonderings,
worries,
ideas,
stories,
songs.

Sometimes the things that swirl around in my head become overwhelming
and I can no longer determine priorities for them.
Odd things can rush to the forefront of my thinking,
blocking out the most pressing, important thoughts and, I think, relieving me of them.

So last week I studied for my ham radio license,
went down to the Red Cross and took the test for fifteen bucks,
and afterward they shook my hand and welcomed me aboard.

I still don't know exactly why I did it,
except that I needed to do something measurable,
complete.

I think I needed to do something that would connect me with other strange people,
and with outer space at the same time.

Done.

*

Mission Accomplished

I am up late, just riding the high of having hosted an awesome party at my house tonight,
the kind where people stay after the party's over
just because they're having a good time.

True things from tonight that either made me smile or laugh:

* Several people asked me if I have a bathroom.

* A little girl who I didn't know came up to me and said, "I'm bored."

* I held a beautiful, newborn baby who cried but I rocked him to sleep.

* I got a knife stuck in my frozen dessert and couldn't get it out so I had to just leave it on the counter with the knife sticking out of it like it had been attacked, until it thawed.

* It was a baby shower, but a man in jeans, flannel shirt and a baseball cap arrived,
and I still don't know who he is but he was really nice and helped move cars, so I was glad he came.

* Somebody who was supposed to be here at 5:30 got really really lost and didn't arrive
until after 7. We would have saved her some cake, but she had it with her.

* And...

somebody's hair caught on fire.

I'm totally serious.

You know, I don't think a party really gets going until somebody's hair catches fire.

Don't you think?


*

The Paranormal

I have always felt a bit unnatural in the kitchen, but tonight even more so.

I'm making a Peanut Butter Pie -
and the recipe calls for me to do this thing
where I am supposed to open a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup,
peel off the little brown paper and then

not eat it.

*

Walk

Last night, went for a walk with the dog down to the end of our country road and back.
Getting dark, the few streetlights flicked on, with long stretches of night in between.
I balanced-beamed the edge of the road, holding the long leash high in one hand, teetering.

Found a miniature soggy Elmo in the street, picked him up and sat him facing
the Pressel boys' house, where I figured he came from.
All those little boys careen daily around their driveway whatever the weather,
in their Big Wheels, and on roller blades, whacking plastic balls with plastic bats everywhere and nowhere in particular. I love the mess of little boys, and picture their mom pushing them out to burn off that crazy boy-energy every afternoon. Now Elmo is waiting patiently for them to come out today.

Smelled a bon-fire, oh joy! Somebody beckoning Spring in the backyard. And a different, sawdust smell (not as sweet), from a tree chopped down near the Baptist pastor's house. Their golden retriever bounded out to meet us and I said aloud, "Here comes trouble," but he was just out to sniff. The hair down the middle of Buddy's back stood up straight, he froze, tense and alert, but didn't bark until the bigger dog bounded away again.

I like it that he really only barks when the danger is far away. Up close, he is terrified of course.

Skipped. Balanced-beamed a little more.

Passed the sign that says, "Children playing" and looked all around but the children were in for the night I guess.

Coming up to the house with two big dogs, we're both always nervous. They bark ferociously and bounce, bounce, bounce until their haunches are just as high as the fence. So far they only jump vertically, and haven't thought of backing up to take a run at the fence. When they do, we're goners because I'm sure they can clear it with enough forward momentum. Facing straight ahead we march with stiff limbs, eyeing friendly doors and low limbs just in case. Safely by, we relax and now there are no more houses.

Just a field on the left, and a marsh on the right and the dog zig-zags to get the best of both smells. Zing! He's off and I stop the leash in time for his long body to whiplash around, and then he turns to strain toward his target. It's a possum, sitting two feet from the road, just a little behind us. Frozen. He barks, barks, barks and I reel him in gently, crooning. Soon as he backs off the possum saunters down to his hole.

I laugh and persuade my tiny fierce hunting dog away, toward the next streetlight, toward the little line in the road that we touch and then turn around to head back. I always imagine this confuses the dog. Because we walk all that way and never really arrive anywhere. Maybe I should stop and point to something or stand still for a few moments. "We have arrived here, and now we are going to go back there." That should be enough for him.

All the way back I felt the wind, cool on my face, through my hair, blessing me. Spring, and walks, and smells, the animals, the life - it is coming, I can feel it.

*

Crumbs

I find it hard to deal with crumbs.

Dirt and grease, no problem.
Scuff marks, syrup blobs, peanut butter smears--I know what to do.
But crumbs just irk me.

You can't really catch up with crumbs.
You....corral them.
You chase them around on the counter with a wet washcloth,
finally u-shaping it so that they are surrounded,
and then do your best to pick them up.
But crumbs....cannot be grasped.

Elusive.

Anyway, stroke of genius today - I have discovered that crumbs can be
sucked up!

My canister vac with hose attachment hoovered them from
the stovetop, the toaster-area, the tiny drawer under the oven,
the edge where they gather around the lazy susan
and joy of joys, the silverware trays.

As an intelligent, educated woman, I am proud to announce that
I was thrilled at the prospect of conquering crumbs today.
This has nothing to do with education, economic status or domestic acuity -

this is just the pure pleasure of making little tiny, annoying, pervasive
things that are bugging me
...disappear.

Ahhhhhhh.

*

Sneezing With Consequences

Walking back to the parking lot after the basketball game,
the husband and I led the way with children trailing.

Suddenly we heard twin boy sneeze
and saw his glasses skid onto the sidewalk in front of us.
We laughed so hard, but it got me to thinking.

I was watching this info-mercial on Bumpits recently.
They're these little plastic hair inserts that you stick on top of your head
and comb hair over to give
"natural volume and lift to otherwise drab hair".

I checked out my otherwise drab hair in the mirror
and realized with certainty that if I were to wear one of those babies out to dinner,
there is no doubt in my mind that before the evening was over I would sneeze
and a Bump-it would land on my salad plate.

*

At Breslin Center

This song was being played by the band when twin girl and I descended all of those steps down to the main floor of the Breslin Center. And I know it's a little corny, but all of a sudden, listening to "Gonna Fly Now", I had this heart-rending moment - this good heart-rending moment - of realization that twin girl had survived, and I with her, and today was a day for celebration.

The Michigan Children's Health-Care Initiative along with the MSU Pediatric Subspecialty Unit at Sparrow Hospital has teamed up with the Michigan State University Women's Basketball Team for a program called, "Kids Of Inspiration". Children are nominated by nurses at Sparrow, and if chosen, get to attend a game at Breslin Center, sit on the main floor right behind the team, and be named, "Junior Coach" for the day.

Today was twin-girl's turn.

Almost exactly two years ago, she had acute appendicitis and was rushed into emergency surgery to remove a huge, inflamed appendix. Two days into the hospital stay, we were devastated with the news that her appendix had contained a cancerous tumor. We listened to possible futures for her -- having another operation to cut out part of her intestine, undergoing chemotherapy and/or radiation, etc. For days we lived with our hearts in our shoes.

Soon we learned that the cancer was confined to her appendix, and the only follow-up care she would need, would be regular CTscans and blood draws over the next five years. Thankfulness doesn't even begin to describe how we felt.

That's her story in a nutshell.

Except that, minor though her trauma was, twin girl deals daily with the fear of any one of us getting sick. She is afraid of tornadoes and bees. She is afraid of accidents and fires. Stomach-aches plague her when the worries get too big. She is a happy, healthy child...but sensitive, and the whole experience has left a deep imprint of the transiency of life on her little soul.

So today, walking down those steps, my eyes brimming with tears, I watched her glowing face and I felt a thankfulness for this little, yet really big day for her. She deserves it. Every child who has had some hurt, big or small, deserves a day where somebody turns to her and says, "You are special."

In fact, they announced it over the loudspeaker, and zoomed in on twin girl so the whole crowd could see her up on the big screen.





























After the game, we were escorted "down the chute" to the locker room. Opening one set of doors, twin girl was greeted by Suzy Merchant who shook her hand and directed us through another set of doors, where the entire team was waiting and erupted into a huge cheer, just for twin girl, as soon as we opened the door. They whooped it up and posed for pictures. She just grinned.




Even the teenager was pulled in for a group picture, quickly followed by a huge group hug that senior (and very special person) Mia Johnson demanded. (plus one additional special child that missed her day with the Spartans the week before)


To see that face, all lit up, because today was her Special Day,
has made me a true Spartan fan. They did it for her.
And I really, really appreciate it.
Go Green!