Monday, February 02, 2009

Tears



Sometimes you just need a good cry.

And sometimes, you need a knock-down drag-out, full-blown sob session.
Where you can't catch your breath,
where you can't see any positive light at the end of the tunnel,
where there seems no way out,
in the middle of the night, in the dark, all alone.

Where you hope somebody hears you and comes downstairs to pat you on the back.
But you hold to the secrecy of your tears
just as much as to your need to share them.

I had a night like that, just two nights ago,
and it's no secret that it was the end of a long day,
where I had been away from the children for so many hours,
and had come home to their funny little beautiful hand-wrapped gifts.

And that the very next day, they were all loading into their grandparents' car,
to travel three hours away for fun and swimming.
They were going away and it just came at a bad time for me.
I needed them home but I didn't have any right to keep them there.
They had a great offer elsewhere, you know?

The thought just came to me in the middle of the night:

They're all I got.

All four of them, in one car, on one slippery highway,
in the middle of winter, on Super Bowl Sunday...
it suddenly felt...
dangerous,
hurried,
tempting fate.

So I cried.

Wishing they could stay home.
Wishing I could go with them.
Feeling like I was dealing way way too casually
with these precious little people.

The husband came down, eventually, to pat me on the back
and listen, and soothe.
I understood his words, they all made sense, but honestly,
I just wasn't through getting it all out.
I was on a roll, spouting this injustice and that one,
crumpling tissue after tissue and throwing them passionately to the floor
with each new fear that surfaced.

Finally, when he thought it was over, I said,

"And I have to tell you something."

There was a pause, and then a serious,
"Go ahead."

I let it all out then,

"I (gasp)
Hate(gasp)
Cherry(gasp)
Twizzlers." (sob)

"I hate them.
They taste like plastic.
I like the Strawberry ones.
I have never liked Cherry.
And every year you give them to me for my birthday
and I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I didn't say anything
but if I don't say something now you will just keep getting them for me
for the rest of my life and I just don't want anyMO-HO-HORE!" sobsobsob.

He tried not to laugh, bless him.
He patted me on the back and promised new Twizzlers tomorrow.

Sometimes...you know?

You just need a good cry.

*

7 comments:

Heidi Lee said...

Things are always worse at night....your mind wanders, you think the worst.

Thats what we moms do.

I LOVE that you told him about the Twizzlers!! Hilarious!

Diane said...

Like right now? reading this?

I am.

mrc-w said...

Hahaha, so funny about the twizzlers - but good that you let him know :)

KEK said...

u mom do you mind me asking...if you don't want them, could i please have them?>
PLEASE!!
kek

Michelle said...

There's a whole bunch in here besides just a good, deep cry, friend. And, I'll trade you your cherry Twizzlers. Blessings -

Beth said...

I love this post! Sometimes my emotions make no sense. And I totally get that about the Twizzlers.

kool kenna said...

oh man i love this it was getting all sad then BAM twizzlers! hahaha i loved it
twill be another "there once was a lady..." story