Saturday, April 07, 2012

One More Hug

I had a dream last night - several dreams, all mixing together with extraordinary circumstances flowing into the story as if it were completely normal.
You know how it goes.

In this dream, in between the bizarre and the sudden changes of scenery,
was my grandma.

This made perfect sense in the dream, but still came as a wonderful surprise:
that I had another chance to see her.

Somehow I had the knowledge that my grandpa was taking care of her - or rather - that she was in his care. I found out that he was coming to town.

Apparently he was an important personage, and the pomp and pageantry was already beginning. Flags, robes, a stage, people filing onto it.

I knew that he had brought her along, and as I waited, I cried.

I cried so hard - harder than I ever had in the past, harder than on the day she died.

I guess in the dream I knew that she had died. Her coming back was like a gift -
a second chance - another opportunity - a bonus.

And as I sobbed, my cousin Carin was there, with her camera, and she was crying too.
Carin was going to get some extra time with grandma - more than me - and I said to her,
"Oh take some pictures - please take as many as you can!"

And then she arrived - with someone on either side of her.
My grandma was smiling, but small, with her hands curled inward - she was weak, but happy.

I ran to her, crying and laughing, and hugged her, wondering if she would be confused -
if she would know me.
She did know me, and she hugged me back and smiled, but lightly.

Everything about her was light, as if she were not completely flesh and blood, just barely there.

But she was there, and I hugged her, for real. She wasn't a ghost. I felt her.

One more time.



Brian Miller said...

what a beautiful moment of reassurance...


Heidi Lee said...

I could picture it all.

I miss her.