Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Pain


I don't ever cry when I think I should.
Sometimes I seem cold, even to myself.

But life has always felt like a dream to me.
So when pain comes, I become an outsider,
looking in, observing.
Disbelieving, really.

I try not to make any sudden moves.

I don't want to jar something loose,
or dislodge anything that might just be
holding me together.

My friend.

I have not really cried for you.

But today I found myself stopped,
as the heaviness grew heavier
and heavier,
and I crawled into bed,
turned off phones,
put the fan on high,
and buried myself.

I could not move.

The heartache that has been placed in your hands
is too much for my mind to comprehend.

But something in my body knows.

*

8 comments:

Diane said...

peace.

Beth said...

We all deal with pain and loss in our own way. At my dad's funeral, I laughed and laughed. It took years before I could cry. I was just too sad and lost to do it when he was first gone.

Your friend is lucky to have you. Sometimes life gives us some heavy loads but our family and friends are the ones who pull us through.

Cry. It can be healing.

Comedy Goddess said...

It's been said that tears bathe the soul. Let them flow when you are ready.

Heidi Lee said...

It's been a tough week.

My stomach still drops.

I still get a lump in my throat.

I don't think it will ever stop.

Joann said...

those are the words i've been looking for. that is exactly where i am. not sure when it will be released, but right now every fiber in my being is doing all it can to hold me together. "no sudden moves." loving you.

Brent said...

What a beautiful expression of how many confront grief.

It's good when it finally shakes loose, allowing space within again.

Diane said...

"no sudden moves"....that's a perfect description, Joann.

Becca6296 said...

Great blog....
I feel ya with this post and especially this week....