Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Coffee Clarity


Morning.
The coffee hasn't kicked in.
Long night, with two girls kneeling over toilets, crying, waiting...
Tired.

Have you ever done something so very contradictory,
and realized it right in the moment of doing it?
Like sitting at the dinner table alone,
eating a big plate of cheese-covered, sour-creamed nachos
while reading your "Nutrition Action" newsletter?
This happened to me yesterday and I only paused a moment to reflect,
saying, "huh",
before I resumed my contradictory behavior.

Heath Ledger has passed away.
Why did I say, "oh that is so sad?"
It is sad, of course, but I suspect that I
said it because he was young and beautiful.
And famous.
I haven't paused enough in my life to consider
the many unfamous ones who pass through this life
under the radar,
undetected,
invisible.

Sometimes I am so scattered, shallow, distracted.
I jump from nachos to death too quickly.
Sometimes I think the weight of me is wanting.

I'd like my footsteps to leave a deeper mark.

1 comment:

cjs said...

but, they do.

your footsteps that is.

I feel the imprints in my own life.

glad you're back.